Sunday, July 20, 2008

I loved reading the excerpt below written by Blair for the Tool February '08 Newsletter about what happened with Danny, Rynne, the anonymous person and himself. Only, because it so closely resembled an incident I experienced where as I made a left turn onto a residential street from North Lake Avenue in Pasadena, and quickly realizing that the street was void of any available parking spots with the exception of one spot immediately to my right just beyond the painted red area and before the first parked car, I received a traffic ticket for parking "aggressively" considering I quickly pulled to my right to plop into this one available parking spot. When I asked what I was receiving a ticket for and the cop actually said, "For parking A.G.G.R.E.S.S.I.V.E.L.Y" (I can't help but always think of the Faith No More song "Be Aggressive" from Angel Dust when I think of this), I had absolutely no control when the words "Are you kidding me!?" escaped my mouth. Just as with Blair's incident, the cop immediately replied with an aggressive "Does it look like I'm kidding!?". It was immediately clear that this dude was just a macho asshole, and possibly a boojum though I had no idea what a boojum was at that time, and so chose not to tempt fate. Thus I contained my anger and frustration as much as I could during the remainder of this transgression, although I couldn't help but yell very agitatedly to my brother and group of friends at one point, who were all across the street witnessing this go down as they were waiting for me to join them, that I was getting a ticket for parking of all things.

The part about this that makes it more frustrating, knowing that the cop was behind me since he was also making a right turn onto the same street, is that I have no doubt in his mind he justified giving me that ticket for such a ludicrous reason not only because he was probably tailgating me as I made my turn and so probably had to break unexpectedly so as not to hit me as I suddenly slowed and pulled to the right to grab my parking spot, but also because he probably already had me profiled before we even made the turn considering that I was driving a little black pickup truck that had all kinds of stickers like Free Mumia Abu-Jamal, KPFK, and Rage Against the Machine on it as well as a license plate that read Evil Empire (EVLMPIR).

Regardless, the inherently flawed justice system simply got away with robbing me of more money. Things could be much worse so I guess I cannot complain too much.

"SOMETHING’S FISHY HERE!
Having just exited a black roadable* in order to have some lunch with theatrics at Benihana of Tokyo in Encino, Danny, Rynne, I and another (who wishes to remain anonymous) crossed Ventura Boulevard, only to be accosted by a Black Hat-boojum disguised as an L.A.P.D. motorcycle cop (a convincing fake!) who was totally INVISIBLE until we reached the other side of the street. At the entrance, before we could get to the teppan-table, hibachi steak and any dazzling effects, we were each issued a JAYWALKING TICKET (this while one of the freakin’ Cuyler clan was probably cleaning out the robot box at a nearby Starbucks). But not only that, while the ‘officer’ wrote up the citations, we had to listen to some Jabberwocky about how dangerous it was for us to cross the street, and that our ticket wouldn’t affect our driving record. Well, “no shit” to the latter –we weren’t driving (hence the term “jaywalking”). As for it being dangerous to cross the street – that’s fine if you’re a five-year-old child (or if Britney happens to be out and about on that day). When Danny asked if the officer was kidding, after his stern reply of “Does it look like I’m kidding?”, I knew that this was in fact a boojum, and that the encounter with him was a warning for us not to experiment with transuniversal travel. Even though the ‘cop’ didn’t have a purple Sharpie, making no judgment as to whether this was the real Danny and not a decoy, this Fair Witness watched as he calmly signed his ticket, at the same time suggesting that the officer’s time might be better served going door to door looking for any dangerous baby furniture. Once over the emotional shock (for evidence, Rynne also took a photo of the ‘cop’ with a Polaroid Stereo-Instamatic-Self-Focusing, Automatic-Irising, Automatic Processing Camera [or was it an i-Phone?]), we received the equally distressing news that the restaurant had closed for the afternoon. Would there be no lunch with theatrics at Benihana of Tokyo in Encino? Relax. Fortunately, I had a backup plan, and this was “Something’s Fishy Here” just up the boulevard a bit. We thus headed for the nearest crosswalk…"